Thursday, May 26, 2011

Bags of Life

How many bags of trash, bags to Goodwill and packed boxes can one's life fill? I am in the process of packing up my mother's life and dispersing of it as best I can. I sold her house so I can continue to care for her in the assisted living facility where she's been living for the past four years. I have about three more weeks to get everything organized, sorted and gone before the closing.

My heart breaks as I go through each closet and drawer and see the things she so lovingly cherished and saved for us, things with little notes so we would know of their importance to her so we might also hold them dear. While this is a physically arduous task, the emotional toll is heart-wrenching. I'd like to think it would be easier if she were in Heaven as I would then be doing the job she chose me to do. Knowing, though, that she is living and breathing elsewhere and I am in her home dispersing her life's treasures, I just truly do not know that I will ever be able to get past this. Please be assured that I would not be doing this if it were not the last alternative. It does not make it easier. My friends who know the situation, offer many prophetic words of wisdom and while I love them for acknowledging and understanding my pain, I cry in remembrance of days gone by.

Sometimes I wish I were still a little girl, running through the house on a mission to get outside to play, careful not to knock into one of mom's treasures on my way..... rather than packing them up to send on their way, hoping that my mother would understand, if she could.

5 comments:

Kay said...

I'm so sorry, Joyce. This is such a hard thing. My mother has gotten rid of so much that there isn't much for us to worry about here.

You must have myriad memories to relive. I hope you can have some good times to remember too.

Sherri said...

Oh Joyce, cyper hug for you! I wish I was there to give you a real hug. I remember when we had to pack up my husband's parents stuff and all the emotions he felt. I feel for you my friend. HUGS again!

Anonymous said...

It is so hard to do, and by yourself is worse. Like your blog says, its a Journey that you have to go through. In many ways it hurts but it also reminds you of some Great memories you had with your mom and dad and those you will also cherish...Take it from someone who knows, it may be hard now but once its done you will feel much better because its something you would have to do either now or somewhere down the road.....

kmm6332 said...

The last post was from me Joyce..
Don't know why it said Anonymous?

Cheryl said...

Oh Joyce, I am so sorry. I too would feel as you do, the sorrow of closing a chapter in life...my mom has given me alot of "stuff" in the past year or so, so that I can enjoy it and she can know that it went to the right place. At first I felt almost guilty taking it but it is what she wants. I am sending you a hug.